Sunday, March 25, 2007

Day One (ish) Miami, FL - Tallahassee, FL

Mile #26766. (AKA Mile 0) We discover the Chevy HHR doesn't have a trip odometer. Jeff has to do math to record the mileage. At least one of the H's now stands for Hatred.

Mile 1 -- Mama & Papa Burke pull up next to the Chevy HHR. MamaBurke shouts, "Don't forget to put your lights on!" Keith: "It's sunny out!"

Awww, the Burkes!


Mile 1.3 -- We drive by Kosher World. Oy.

Mile 1.9 -- Our first Freeway: 195!

Mile 3.0 -- Dead bird on the road! Yuck! Also: The Burkes are tailing us.

Mile 4.5 -- We lose the Burkes! Bye Bye, Burkeys!

Mile 7.8 -- 95 North! We can take you to Philly, yo! But we're not gonna. (yet.)

Mile 9.0 -- Passing the "Boobie Trap Love Stuff" store. Jeff doesn't take a photo, as he is too busy trying to figure out the iPod gizmo that Bookie loaned him. Silence ensues.

Mile 10 -- Radio finally turned on. Solid as a Rock blares, courtesy of Lite and Refreshing FM. Silence once again ensues.

Mile 14 -- Toll! $1.00

Mile 15 -- CryPod finally starts up. IMAP theme ensues. Keith pines for the silence.

Mile 15.5 -- Ahhhhh! We're in Hollywood!!


Mile 21 -- We pass a giant billboard that reads "Hello! My name is HUGH JASS!" Jeff is still too busy with the CryPod to take a photo.

Mile 33 -- Toll: $1.00!

Mile 38 -- Silence once again ensues.

Mile 40 -- Jeff finally figures out the CryPod once and for all.

Mile 67 -- AHHH! Lanes Shift! AHHHH!

Mile 80 -- Poppycock!

Ofcourseheis.

Mile 83 -- Billboard that admonishes: "NEVER, EVER SHAKE A BABY!" Jeff is, once again, too busy to photograph it. Perhaps if Tina had seen that billboard 31 years ago, Jeff could focus.

Mile 89 -- Keith enters comedy jail for wondering if Sesame Street would have been as popular if it was named Poppyseed Street.

Mile 90 -- Jeff has to wazz.

Mile 98 -- We discover the Chevy HHR has a secret compartment. Pooping Chickenjoy takes a nap.



Mile 114 -- Wazz-Break! Port St. Lucie becomes Port St. Lu-pee!

Mile 127 -- A woman vomits off the side of the road. Gross.

Mile 157 -- Sign warns: "Now entering Yeehaw Zone!" AHHH!

Mile 162 -- Exiting for Yeehaw! Toll $8.80. Terror ensues.

Mile 164 -- Leaving Yeehaw. Ack. (See Jeff's post.)

Mile 165 -- Keith announces that food will be consumed at Kissimmee. He decrees: "It's a real place."

Mile 198 -- Keith yawns and realizes, "We've only been driving for three hours?" Jeff: "This is gonna be a long trip."

Mile 208 -- Toll: $4.90!

Mile 214 -- No food in Kissimmee. Good thing there is Poppycock. Chickenjoy still sleeps.

Mile 220 - Keith declares he is drunk with power because the HHR is five inches off the ground. In other news, there's still no food.

Mile 221 -- We enter Orange County. Jeff wonders where the Real Housewives are, dies a little inside.

Mile 235 -- Turkey Lake Rest Stop. Keith points out a small puppy. Jeff looks up just in time to see puppy's owner--a 75 year old woman--hock a lugie.

Mile 249 -- Toll $2.50!

Mile 251 -- Keith angrily renounces his birthplace of Florida, citing its boringness.

Mile 291 -- Someone worse off than the two bozos in the Chevy HHR:

2nd Worst Road Trip Ever.

Mile 301 -- First Gas Break--at the Horse Capital of the World!


Maybe that'll give the Chevy HHR some extra Horse Power. Ehhem. How's it goin. . .?

Mile 317 -- Jeff returns to Comedy Jail for a lame Keith Urban joke. He pleads insanity, brought on by the fact that he is listening to Keith Urban.

Mile 321 -- Keith wonders where he can find a antique. Oh:


Probably here.


What an relief!

Mile 372 -- Holy Hotel!
Apparently, there's room at this inn.

Mile 383 -- Jeff goes insane six hours into road trip.

Mile 387 -- 10West to Tallahassee! We can take you to Santa Monica. We're also not gonna.

Mile 424 -- Entering Madison County. Jeff goes back to jail wondering where the bridges are.

Mile 475 -- Tallahassee! Weoo!



25 comments:

Jonathan said...

Kosher World? REALLY?

Is that Bookie's version of the Pleasure Chest?

Bookie! said...

Do you think they have any samples??

Anonymous said...

It isn't hard at all to start making money online in the undercover world of [URL=http://www.www.blackhatmoneymaker.com]blackhat script[/URL], You are far from alone if you have no clue about blackhat marketing. Blackhat marketing uses little-known or not-so-known ways to produce an income online.

viagra online without prescription said...

I liked this blog, i think is very interesting, most of all for the new ideas that this blog talk.

Anonymous said...

Those who are taking prednisone are more prone to infection and patients need to take care not to come in contact with those who have measles, tetanus, staph infections, meningitis, or chicken pox. [url=http://50in8.com/]prednisone online pharmacy[/url] When a patient takes prednisone it is converted by the liver into a substance called prednisolone, which is a steroid. While it is effective as a treatment to suppress the immune system, it needs to be prescribed with care because it can make the patient more prone to infection. Prednisone for sale.

Anonymous said...

generic xanax online xanax side effects withdrawal symptoms - xanax bars for sale

Anonymous said...

viagra online without prescription viagra for women pulmonary hypertension - buy viagra online dubai

Anonymous said...

viagra online without prescription cheap viagra from us online - where to buy viagra online with no prescription

Anonymous said...

generic viagra to buy viagra 50mg - viagra vs cialis vs levitra

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol online tramadol dosage for high - tramadol high doses

Anonymous said...

buy soma online soma order book - soma pills narcotic

Anonymous said...

buy soma soma san diego number - soma apartments bellevue

Anonymous said...

buy soma online buy soma online without rx - soma san diego box office number

Anonymous said...

order soma online soma drug testing urine - soma saga sale

Anonymous said...

tramadol online tramadol mg - cheapest tramadol online no prescription needed

Anonymous said...

[url=http://www.realcazinoz.com]online casino[/url], also known as accepted casinos or Internet casinos, are online versions of acknowledged ("hunk and mortar") casinos. Online casinos legitimization gamblers to assess as ingredient in and wager on casino games letter for letter the Internet.
Online casinos superficially put on the bloke common odds and payback percentages that are comparable to land-based casinos. Some online casinos operation higher payback percentages as a cure-all into preference for backer games, and some indite civil payout concord audits on their websites. Assuming that the online casino is using an correctly programmed unspecific epitomize up generator, catalogue games like blackjack be paid an established forebears edge. The payout incise up as a replacement representing these games are established at within reach of the rules of the game.
Uncountable online casinos submit into societal see or apprehension their software from companies like Microgaming, Realtime Gaming, Playtech, Worldwide Imposture Technology and CryptoLogic Inc.

Anonymous said...

carisoprodol 350 mg carisoprodol soma wiki - soma carisoprodol coupon

Anonymous said...

generic cialis no prescription what's best online pharmacy cialis - cialis daily dosage side effects

Anonymous said...

xanax online xanax generic reviews - xanax withdrawal with klonopin

Anonymous said...

can you buy tramadol online tramadol hcl prescribed - where to buy tramadol online

Anonymous said...

http://landvoicelearning.com/#74967 tramadol 50mg buy online - ultram tramadol 100mg

Anonymous said...

http://landvoicelearning.com/#51438 tramadol 50 mg side effects - tramadol for dogs itching

Anonymous said...

buy klonopin online buy klonopin overnight - duration of klonopin withdrawal

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol india buy tramadol online free shipping - tramadol online no prescription overnight cod

Anonymous said...

learn how to buy tramdadol tramadol hydrochloride 50 mg get high - tramadol withdrawal vs vicodin withdrawal