Tuesday, March 27, 2007

BookieLog : Tamarind Terrace to LAX

"HERE'S THE THING..." : It turns out that Bookie's handwriting is surprisingly similar to Father Ru's handwriting...and so, this "log" is just my guestimation of what he wrote down. So don't get mad at me for being inaccurate, GURL!

: 'Gurl' is something Bookie and Jon call each other...as term of "endearment" and an homage to "Noah's Arc." Yes. They ARE men boys. Yes. They're that gay and outrageous. But only...uh...most of the time. They also hate SUPER gay and outrageous homos that call each other "girl" all of the time...so in essence, they are doing it to "take back" the use of that word from those awful homos you see on LOGO Bravo everywhere. Or something.


* * *

Mile 0.0 - BookieJoy begins, as Jon picks Bookie up from Tamarind Terrace in his VERY fancy Prius.

Mile 0.001 - Gurl can't figure out how to reset his trip odometer in his veryFancy Prius. OfCourseHeDoesn't.

Mile 0.0011 - Jon figures out the trip odometer.

Mile 0.01 - Gurl plays the HORRIBLE milk crisis song from "Sesame Street."

Bookie starts to cry and attempts to jump out of the moving Prius.

Milk Mile 0.6 - Bookie wonders why the "Milk Crisis" is still on. He also wonders why they are screaming "Adam" in the middle of the "Milk Crisis" song.

Mile 0.61 - Bookie realizes that no one in the "Milk Crisis" song is screaming "Adam." It's his pants.

Mile 0.62 - Bookie discovers that his phone has accidentally called Keith.

Hi...Keith! Hi...Jeff! Hi...MollyJoy!

Mile 1.7 - Bookie is VERY busy with a jogger. OfCourseHeIs.

Mile 2.4 - Bookie wishes he had his supermarket circulars.


So he can read them on the plane.



Someone is a blazin' hot mess. And it's not Jon.

Mile 3.5 - Gurl puts on another crazy song. This one involves a rabbi and and an old schul.

It's veryFun.

Mile 6.1 - Bookie declares the he enjoys the word, "Onesie." Jon wishes Bookie was on a plane already.

Mile 6.6 - Gurl decides to put his headlights on...

...but he doesn't put his records on.

Mile 7.6 - Bookie jizzes his pants when we drive by a CVS.

Calm down GURL!

Jon gets very upset that Bookie is going to ruin his pristine Prius.

Mile 9.1 - Jon and Bookie are lost in Inglewood.



Where's Shannon?

Mile 10.0 - Jon and Bookie find their way. Still no Shannon.

Mile 10.8 - Lost again. Of Course.

Mile 10.9 - And we're OK. Kinda.

Mile 11.2 - Another CVS!

And so...Jon's Pristine Prius now has Jizzy-Eye.

Mile 12.3 - Bookie back seat drives and Gurl gets all flustered.

Mile 13.5 - Bookie declares that he likes to watch airplanes land.

Jon thinks that Bookie likes this, because airplanes are just giant flying phalluses.



Mile 14.2 - Bookie smells jet fuel and gets excited. Jon contemplates pushing Bookie out of the car.

Mile 14.5 - Bookie arrives at LAX.


Mile 14.50001 - Jon is left all alone in LA. He wonders how he can stop the boys from having too much fun without him...

Call Bookie and tell him that CVS is having a fire sale?

Call Jeff and tell him that the Mentos corporation is having a fire sale?

Call Keith and tell him that Vicki Lawrence and the cast of her "TWO woman show" is having a fire sale?


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